We are bound for a sea change. After four months apart we are finally back together and in one place (with the exception of the oldest who is travelling)
The family has packed its bags and left our city home of the past ten years, looking for a slower paced life in a small coastal town 3 1/2 hours North of Brisbane.
Moving is hard the best of times, but with our princess, a whole level of complexities step in.
Packing bags meant her treasures were unavailable for a time; her TV moved, and this meant it didn’t work as it should and in addition she has been living in two bedrooms for the past 3months. It was a constant state of confusion, misplacement and unrest.
For me, it meant my wife was unavailable, and our tag team approach and respite were not available. It was an exhausting 4 months, 4 months of a child who could not get into a normal routine and a mother and father that were tired, cranky and stressed.
A shout out to my parents though. Without them, the move would be impossible and unbearable. They have made their home Jenna’s safe place and created a space for her. Their love and acceptance have made a tough period bearable. Their tolerance of science experiments, slime, goo and mess nearly everywhere as well as six clothes changes a day have been a true God send. We have broken a table, killed brand new turf and taken over prime time television, with no complaint and true acceptance and affection to our princess. More than their home opening there has been a beautiful bond develop between grandparents and our princess; this in its self-has validated the move and is a major contributing factor to settling by the sea.
I’ve learnt a few things along the way these past four months and I thought I would share a few.
5 pm happy hour
The afternoons indeed suck. We have just learnt to roll with it, accept that evenings are hard and make allowances where possible. I needed to learn where medication may be beneficial, how to give our princess space and when and how to say no. I failed most days, but I fail consistently and after an extended period of learning for us both, for the most, part, afternoons are getting better.
My trail and errors have assisted in preplanning afternoon’s, having predictable periods of the day and where possible no surprises. The last afternoon disaster was due to a forgotten Doctors appointment, whoops my bad.
6 am wake up call
I am torn between letting the princess sleep in or wake her at the desired time. If we wake up just after 6 am, we get ‘I’m bored’, pacing and need to drive extremely slowly to the school drop off area. Conversely if we wake up late. I’m the F’n idiot that forgot to wake her and then we have 1/2 hour of panic but still ready in time for school. I still haven’t worked out what is best for her or me as every morning is stressful, trying and-and effort. I have learnt to give her what I feel is best. i.e. a rough night the night before = sleep in etc. although I’m not loved its helping, I think.
Thursday afternoons and Saturday morning markets are staples and keep routine and predictability. As you may have read in previous blogs, our princess loves to shop, at any opportunity; This is a dreaded and quite a stressful event for us as parents but so therapeutic for Jenna. Without this outlet we see an increase in behaviours, moods and withdraw. Again a little pain on our end makes the family slightly more tolerable and bearable. Both by Jenna and for Jenna from her siblings.
We have learnt to give and sacrifice in order to establish family norms and claim. Admittedly more than healthy at times, and we are still working on balance. but currently its working.
I love how quickly obsessions become in and out of fashion. We have had several fadeout this month, and a new one emerge. We embrace Jenna’s idiosyncrasies and obsessions. These keep her calm, balanced and many times focused on school work and in the car, etc.
We try to keep her safe and educate when needed public spaces, but as a rule, we support her and the public if she needs something to keep her focused and calm.
Apart from having shares in a local glue factory and collecting more shells than most bedrooms can cater for, we embrace.
Getting it wrong & misreading signals
Wow, its been hard reading our princess these past few months.
Hormones are kicking in, new friends, fighting with siblings, being away from family. It’s been an emotional Rolla-coaster for our princess.
And I’m learning that I can always help her out. Times Jenna needs to figure things out herself. She talks through plans with her grandad and also ‘tells’ on me to mum.
Jenna’s is finding it hard to be a girl growing up, getting ready for high school and having to be responsible. I’m still learning to let her get it wrong and then support her afterwards. More importantly, I’m having to admit when I misread the situation or made things worse for her, then wait until she is ready to talk and move in. It’s tough, but been a great period of growth.
Designing the new normal
The most amazing thing happened last week. We moved to the beach with our princess hating sand and the beach (a phobia of more than three years) stressed as parents on how we were to embrace a new coastal town without going near its most incredible assets were huge.
Out of the blue, Jenna asked to ‘try walking on sand again’ as she wanted to collect shells. This was the beginning of near daily beach walks and tempting her toes to touch the water.
Then her mum worked through a meltdown and anxiety attached while trying to swim. With a tried princess we have a precious family moment with 3kids and mum and dad in the water together, laughing, playing and spending quality time. This is a rarity and was a special moment.
And today we received our princesses report card. Not only did she receive a pass mark for the first time in her schooling, but she was also able to call me and state she had four ‘B’s’ awarded. Finally, we found a school that assessed her on her ability and made her feel valued and smart. This is a good day. She will move into high school next year with a feeling of accomplishment and pride. I couldn’t think of a better way to finish a school year. Once extremely proud dad.